Iris Holistic Counseling Services
Donna Fisher-Jackson, MA, CHT
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Iris Holistic Counseling Services Donna Fisher-Jackson, MA, CHT
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Enneagram, A Tool for Self-Discovery The Enneagram Personality Type System is a dynamic, and enlightening system that includes nine personality types. Each one of us gravitates towards one of the types, and through self-reflection, you can begin to see how being this type has affected your life. It’s a system that can be very helpful when you feel a need for change in your life, but you don’t know where to begin. It’s a self-typing system where you discover for yourself what type you most resonate with. The system has been made popular by some of the leading Enneagram experts of the day including Helen Palmer, David Daniels, Virginia Price, Don Richard Riso, Russ Hudson, and Sandra Maitri. As you explore the nine types, you will begin to see behavior patterns that you have been living with your whole life. Through discovering which type you are, you can begin to make more conscious choices in your life. The first step on any journey of self-discovery is awareness. As you become more aware of your behaviors in the moment, then you can begin to take steps to make changes in each and every moment. In my newsletter, Iris Insights, I am writing a series of articles on the nine types beginning with Type One. The articles will be archived here where you eventually will be able to read an article on each one of the types. If you are unsure of your Enneagram Type, you can check out the following websites which have self-typing tests that you can take on-line: www.enneagramworldwide.com, and www.enneagraminstitute.com, or take the Enneagram Personality Test below by www.enneagram.net
Type One- The Perfectionist/The Reformer The Type One known as The Perfectionist/The Reformer. I know this type quite well because I live with a Type One, and believe me, they are a lot harder on themselves than they are on others. They often live with a strong judge, or inner critic within themselves, that can sometimes be wise and discerning, but is also often demanding, and nit-picking. They can feel like they are always striving towards a perfect world which seems to be just out of reach. They have high standards for themselves as well as others. They can be the ideal employee, because they are so responsible, and want to do the right thing, and will put in the extra hours to make it happen. Some employers do take advantage of these over-achievers in the workplace. Ones also have high moral standards, and are really great examples of what integrity and being ethical looks like. We certainly could use more Ones in the arena of politics. They seem to have a personal sense of a higher mission, and can feel called to leave their comfortable lives behind to achieve those higher goals. In India, Gandhi is one example who left behind his wife and family, and his successful law practice, to become an advocate of Indian independence, and nonviolent social changes. This is the kind of high idealism that a One can live with. In their goal to stay true to their high principles, Ones can resist being affected by their instinctual drives which can result in repression, resistance and aggression. They can be seen as highly self-controlled, and afraid of letting out all those messy emotions that they do feel. In their childhoods, Ones were the good kids who felt that they had to be good to justify their existence. They often developed a serious side and a sense of adult responsibility at an early age. For various reasons, they often experienced a disconnect from the protective parent which is often the biological father, but not always. The result is a sense of frustration, and a feeling that they have to “father” themselves. They can be hyper-responsible, and a voice of reason in their family system. In this way, they are able to establish a sense of autonomy and boundaries which are key issues for this type. By Donna Fisher-Jackson, MA © 2009 (Thanks to Don Richard Riso, and Russ Hudson’s book The Wisdom of the Enneagram, and David Daniels, MD, and Virginia Price, Ph.D.’s book The Essential Enneagram for their insights on the Type One.)
Type Two- The Giver/The Helper Being involved with the counseling profession, I have met quite a few Type Twos. I even have a couple of close friends who are Givers, and we have had many conversations on the art of giving because they are usually very good at giving gifts to others, but not so good at receiving. Being generous, and always helping others makes Twos feel needed and worthwhile. When Twos are healthy and in balance, they are loving, generous, and considerate. They truly give from the heart without expecting anything in return. People are drawn to them like bees to honey. They are engaging, charismatic, and are able to help others see positive qualities in themselves that they didn’t recognize which is why they do make compassionate and caring counselors. Healthy Twos open our hearts because their hearts are already wide open. However, Twos may face challenges in their inner development when they take a look at their shadow sides which can be pride, self-deception, the tendency to become over-involved in the lives of others, and the tendency to manipulate others to get their emotional needs met. It can be challenging for them to look at these darker sides of Self when they prefer to focus on the sunny side of life. Twos, Threes and Fours all share the Heart Center or the Feeling Triad in the Enneagram where they can be overly concerned with self-image with the underlying fear being worthlessness. They can feel like they have to be or do something extraordinary for others to love and accept them. The Two can present an image of being completely generous and unselfish when in fact, they really have great expectations and unacknowledged emotional needs. In a sense, the Two is seeking validation of their worth from others. “During their childhood, Twos came to believe three things. First, that they must put other people’s needs ahead of their own; second, that they must give in order to get; and third, that they must earn a place in the affections of others because love will not simply be given to them,” as described by Riso and Hudson. Thus, Twos learned how to function within their family by being the helper, the selfless friend, the pleaser, and the giver of love and attention to all others. In a sense, they didn’t feel like they could have any needs of their own because that was being selfish. When these generous souls are able to take a look within, and acknowledge their own needs, then they are freer to give to others without strings attached, and they finally learn how to receive with open arms. By Donna Fisher-Jackson, MA © 2009 (Thanks to Don Richard Riso, and Russ Hudson’s book The Wisdom of the Enneagram, and David Daniels, MD, and Virginia Price, Ph.D.’s book The Essential Enneagram for their added insights on the Type Two.)
Type Three – The Performer/The Achiever In my on-going series on the Enneagram, I am focusing on the Type Three – The Performer/The Achiever this month. It’s interesting that many of the Enneagram groups that I have been involved with have often been missing the presence of a Type Three. They seem to be too busy at times to participate in such groups, and often come to their own path of Self-discovery later in life. If there are any Type Threes out there who feel differently, I would enjoy hearing from them. Healthy Threes are often known for achieving success in many areas of their lives. They derive a lot of satisfaction from developing themselves, and contributing their talents to the world. They are also good at motivating others to achieve their own personal dreams. They are almost always successful in their lives, and embody many of the socially valued qualities of success. However, the way the Three defines their personal success is based on their family, cultural, and social values. In some families, success may have been to have a large home, expensive cars, and other status symbols. In other families, a good education would have been highly valued. A religious family might encourage a child to become a minister, a priest, or a rabbi. No matter how success is defined, the Three wants to become somebody noteworthy in their family, and their community. Thus, Threes learn how to be goal-oriented, and to perform in ways that will get them the attention and praise that they need. As children, they discovered what activities were valued by their parents, and then their peers, and then put their energy into excelling in those activities. All of us need attention and encouragement in our lives, but for a Three, it can feel like life or death. Without the success, they can feel empty, and worthless. Deep down, they can feel like they are nobody and have no value unless they are successful in the world. Even though, Threes are the primary type in the Heart Center or the Feeling Triad, they are often out of touch with their feelings. As Riso and Hudson write, “It’s as if they put their feelings in a box so that they can get ahead with what they want to achieve. Threes have come to believe that emotions get in the way of performance, so they substitute thinking and practical action for feelings.” Threes usually come to a path of Self-discovery when they realize how much they have adapted their lives to the expectations of others. They then begin to ask the questions, “What do I really want?” and “Who am I without my outer success?” They then begin to take stock of their lives, and to discover their authentic Self underneath the outward displays of success. It can be a fruitful time for a Three. By Donna Fisher-Jackson, MA © 2009 (Thanks to Don Richard Riso, and Russ Hudson’s book The Wisdom of the Enneagram, and David Daniels, MD, and Virginia Price, Ph.D.’s book The Essential Enneagram for their added insights on the Type Three.)
Type Four - The Romantic/The Individualist In my on-going series on the Enneagram, this month, I am highlighting the Type-Four- The Romantic/The Individualist. Since this is my type, I could probably write about my own personal journey as a Four, but I would rather write about all the Romantics that I met while I was writing my book. To gather information on the Type Four, I interviewed several women and men, and have included their stories in my book in order to reveal the many facets of the Romantic. Of course, most of the stories focus on the romantic relationships of these women and men. Living up to their name, these Fours were definitely born for romantic relationships. In this day and age, some of the women even mentioned that a career was never that important to them because they were always more focused on the relationship that they were currently in. Whether a Romantic was single or married, they still spent a lot of time dwelling on their current relationship, or seeking a more perfect relationship. With the insight of the Enneagram, many of the Fours were able to make changes in their relationships. Instead of leaving the relationship every time they came down to earth, they began to stay longer in the relationship, and get to know their partner in a different way. Instead of creating the relationship drama with their leaving, and coming back, they decided to be with some of those ordinary moments of day-to-day life in a relationship, and some even discovered the extraordinary in those times together. Some of the clues to whether or not you are a Four can be found in your childhood experiences. Fours build their identity around how unlike everyone else they are, and this does begin with their parents. Many Romantics revealed that they actually fantasized that they were mistakenly switched at the hospital, or that they were even orphans. This really struck home for me when I remembered that my favorite childhood books were The Secret Garden and A Little Princess, both about orphans written by Frances Hodgson Burnett. Fours often express the feelings that they were never “seen” by their parents, and felt very misunderstood by their own family. As Riso and Hudson write, “In psychological terms, Fours feel that they have not had adequate mirroring, or at least the mirroring of actual qualities and talents that they can make part of their developing identity. In family systems theory, Fours tend to identify with the Lost Child role.” The Romantics often feel like something must be wrong with them which can lead to a lifelong search for their true Self. They usually focus on what is missing in them, and in their relationships instead of seeing all the wonderful gifts that they do have, and can experience through their relationships. Because they have so many doubts about their own identity, they can often come across as mysterious and intriguing hiding behind a Fantasy Self image. Their hope is that they will attract someone who will love and accept them for who they really are. Hopefully, as a Four evolves, they can begin to let go of this Fantasy Self image, and begin to express their true Self to others. In doing so, they can begin to accept their flaws, and realize that there is nothing wrong with them, and that they are as good as anyone else. In time, they can see that they can be themselves in their own lives, and begin to channel some of that emotional intensity into their own creative projects. Finally, the Four begins to see that the true Self is not a fixed way of being, but is really an ever-changing, and ever-renewing inner process. As Riso and Hudson write, “When Fours abide in their true nature, they are one with the ceaseless creativity and transformation that are part of the dynamics of Essence. At their core, Fours represent creation, the constant out flowing of the manifest, changing universe in the eternal now. It is the most profound gift of Fours to be a symbol of this, and to remind the other types that they, too, participate in Divine creativity.” And I leave you with that gift. For more about the Four, read my new book, The Healing Path of the Romantic. By Donna Fisher-Jackson, MA © 2010 (Thanks to Don Richard Riso, and Russ Hudson’s book The Wisdom of the Enneagram, and David Daniels, MD, and Virginia Price, Ph.D.’s book The Essential Enneagram for their added insights on the Type Four.)
Type Five- The Observer/The Investigator In my continuing series on the Enneagram, this month, I am focusing on the Type Five- The Observer/The Investigator who are one of the more elusive types, and not likely to be found at an Enneagram social gathering. Most people who are the Observer are not looking for the limelight, but are often found on the sidelines of life. In the Enneagram, each personality type can have a wing which blends with your basic type, and highlights certain tendencies. As I have mentioned, I am the Romantic, the Type Four, and I have a Five-wing so I am quite familiar with the experience of being a Five. Once upon a time, I worked in the world of public relations for a performing arts center and I loved being around the theatre, and all that creative energy, but most of all, I loved being backstage, and watching from behind the curtain. I had no desire to be the star on the stage preferring to play a more supportive role. This is one of the experiences of the Five. Fives can spend a lot of time observing and contemplating life. As they immerse themselves in their observations, they can internalize the knowledge which can give them a feeling of self-confidence. Riso and Hudson call them the Investigator because more than any other type, they want to know how the world works from the study of an ant hill to the expansive exploration of the cosmos. They want to know it all, and have a relentless pursuit for knowledge which can cover up some of their deeper insecurities about being successful in the world. As Riso and Hudson write, “Fives feel that they do not have an ability to do things as well as others. But rather than engage in activities that might bolster their confidence, Fives ‘take a step back’ into their minds where they feel more capable. Their belief is that from the safety of their minds, they will eventually figure out how to do things – and one day rejoins the world.” Fives value knowledge, understanding and insight, but rather than exploring what is familiar and well established, they are more drawn to what is unusual, overlooked, secret and unthinkable. They are searching for their own niche – something that they can know and discover for themselves which can give them independence and confidence. Fives often mention that as children, they did not feel safe in their families. They lived with a fear of being overwhelmed by their parents, and to protect themselves, they retreated into their own private space. Young fives often spent a lot of time on their own living in their minds and imaginary worlds with books, musical instruments, and computers; collecting insects or plants, or playing with games. Sometimes parents who want their Five children to be more “normal” will pressure them into social activities, but they are usually met with strong resistance. Fives would rather be alone, and don’t expect anything from others, except to be left alone to pursue their interests without others’ demands and needs, especially their emotional needs. Independence is their way of attaining safety and the feeling that they have control over their lives. The Five’s challenge is to become more engaged in their lives, not always retreating into the safety of their mind, and the mental commentary of their experience. Many great scientists such as Einstein and Darwin were probably Type Fives, and where would be without their amazing discoveries about life on this planet? We are grateful for the gifts and the eccentricities of the Fives. By Donna Fisher-Jackson, MA © 2010 (Thanks to Don Richard Riso, and Russ Hudson’s book The Wisdom of the Enneagram, and David Daniels, MD, and Virginia Price, Ph.D.’s book The Essential Enneagram for their added insights on the Type Five.)
Type Six- The Loyal Skeptic/The Loyalist This month, I am focusing on the Type Six – The Loyal Skeptic/The Loyalist in the Enneagram Personality Type System. This past week-end, I had the pleasure of participating in an Enneagram workshop presented by Katherine Chernick Fauvre and David Fauvre of Enneagram Explorations at www.enneagram.net In the group, there was a man who was a Type Six, and it was really refreshing to have his presence in the midst of mostly Type Fours. He had a direct, and down to earth approach to life which was in sharp contrast to the Four’s more lofty and idealistic view of life. As he spoke about his experiences, I was reminded of my own upbringing which seemed to include more than one Type Six. As a child, I remember often being pulled down to earth by my more practical and security-oriented parents. I don’t know if they are both Type Sixes, but their view of life definitely has a Type Six slant. Riso and Hudson describe the Type Six as “The Committed, Security-Oriented Type: Engaging, Responsible, Anxious and Suspicious.” Chernick Fauvre and Fauvre call the Type Six, the Loyal Guardian, and see them as wanting to be safe and secure, and to fit in and belong. Sixes are very loyal to their friends, and to their beliefs, but they do believe that all ideas and authorities can be questioned. Once they make up their mind about a belief, they will definitely fight and defend that belief in the face of opposition, just as they will stand up and defend their family or community if need be. Riso and Hudson believe that, “The reason Sixes are so loyal to others is that they do not want to be abandoned and left without support – their Basic Fear.” Underneath their brave front, there can be a lack of self-confidence where they need to look to structures, others, and belief systems outside themselves for guidance. It’s as if they feel they don’t have the necessary internal resources to depend on. Sixes are in the Thinking center of the Enneagram, and they do spend a lot of time thinking, and worrying about life’s challenges. They often have a fear of making big decisions, but at the same time, they don’t want anyone making the decisions for them. They don’t want others to control them, and their lives. They have a strong desire to create security in their lives, but if it doesn’t work out, they are often left feeling anxious and self-doubting. Riso and Hudson have some good questions for the Six which are: “When will I know that I have enough security?”, and “What is security?” Without a strong inner guidance, Sixes are often left feeling like they have to find some solid ground in their lives. Chernick Fauvre and Fauvre describe the Sixes’ greatest strengths as their ability to test for the truth, and to recognize and challenge questionable authority. Sixes also understand the sacrifices for the group, and are willing to enforce society’s rules for the safety and security of all. They often believe that if everyone followed the rules and cooperated with one another that the world would be a safer place. In their childhood, Sixes experienced a lack of support or guidance from their primary caretakers which resulted in their deep ambivalence and anxiety about trust, being nurtured, and feeling close to another. Because of this experience, Sixes long for approval and closeness, but feel a need to defend against it as well. They want to be supported by others, but not overwhelmed by them. The Sixes’ challenge is to develop a sense of faith in themselves, and in others. If they can learn to trust themselves, and their own inner guidance, they can create an inner sense of security which can be more lasting than the worldly securities that they have invested in. If you feel that you may be a Type Six, you can check out the following websites which have self-typing tests that you can take on-line: www.enneagramworldwide.com and www.enneagraminstitute.com , or take the Enneagram Personality Test above by www.enneagram.net The Enneagram is a tool that I use regularly in my counseling practice. To learn more about the Enneagram and how it can be used for self-discovery, please call or e-mail me to set up a FREE 30 minute Discovery session. In the session, I cover all the different tools that I utilize to help people lead more conscious lives. Discovering your personality type can be that first step on the path of Self-discovery. By Donna Fisher-Jackson, MA © 2010 (Thanks to Don Richard Riso, and Russ Hudson’s book The Wisdom of the Enneagram, and Katherine Chernick Fauvre and David Fauvre of Enneagram Explorations for their insights into the Type Six.)
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Donna Fisher-Jackson, MA, CHT
donna.fisher.jackson@att.net
(530) 477-7863
Nevada County, California
© Copyright, 2010 Donna Fisher-Jackson, all rights reserved. |
